Painless
by AirElemental101
Summary: The potion had taken effect, and the blood was flowing.. even if he had gotten everything else wrong in his life, his death he had planned perfectly.


Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

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Painless

The potion had taken effect, and the blood was flowing. With every beat of his heart, he was closer to death. With every pump of the muscle a new rush of crimson fluid leaked out of his veins. But he felt no pain, only a dumb numbness that fascinated him almost as much as the river of blood running out of his wrists. Even if he had gotten everything else wrong in his life, his death he had planned perfectly.

He was in a remote dungeon under the castle. It had taken a while to find one suitable for his purpose. Once he had, he stole ingredients out of Snape's cabinets and set to making the needed potion. Moaning Myrtle's bathroom once again became his haunt as he brewed the fatal yet numbing potions. Some genius in the 16th century had realized that pain and suicide need not coincide. The man had been found dead four days after the discovery.

But now he had his tomb, the forgotten dungeon, and he had his slow, creeping, painless death to comfort him. Another positive side-effect of the potion- it kept him so doped up he couldn't really think too much on what he was doing, so he hadn't chickened out.

Oh, the feeling of life flowing out of him. No thoughts, no feelings, no pain… it was bliss. He could have sat there forever. Of course, he wouldn't, that was the purpose of the whole affair—to end things, to finally be at peace.

Did he just hear something? He could have sworn it was footsteps. But no, it couldn't be. He had checked, no one came down this direction. He was just hearing things. He had been hearing many things lately, since _His_ final destruction. He had heard whispers, and snickers, and 'poor boy' remarks. 'What was he to do now?' they asked. 'What was his purpose?' As if he needed a purpose! He was no different from any other young wizard or witch who had walked these halls! Why did he have to have a purpose to his existence and they did not! Well, he had fulfilled his 'purpose' and could follow his enemy to the grave.

Now he knew he had heard something. But he had lost so much blood and was so numb and tired he couldn't spare enough energy to care. He was almost gone. That's when he was found.

"Potter?" said a shocked voice. Oh, so many illusions were being torn asunder right now. The man kneeled next to the dying boy in a pool of blood.

"Not like this, oh God, not like this…" He tenderly touched the slit on the boy's night wrist. He needn't have bothered with the tenderness, the boy could feel nothing, he was almost gone.

"Why Potter? You made it through everything. Why now? When the race was already won?"

Of course, there was no answer.

"What did we do wrong? Yes, we were hard on you, we had to be, but it wasn't worth this! Oh God, nothing is worth this…"

The boy's sight was growing dimmer. The light was going out of his already dead green eyes.

"It wasn't supposed to end like this! You could have been anything! Gone anywhere! The world was yours for the asking! No one would have stood in your way. You had it beat! Everyone would have bowed to your will! Even… even me."

This confession went unanswered. It was null and void now as it landed on half-dead ears.

"Did you ever understand? Did you understand why I did it? Why I did all I did? God Potter, if only you had. You would have known that this was never necessary! Why didn't you tell me, damn it! Why!

I knew someone was about to try it. I recognized the pattern of ingredients and the school was put on a suicide watch. We investigated dozens of students. But not you… no, never you. It was our mistake, our folly. How I didn't see it I'll never know. But now I've lost you, and I've lost any chance of explaining everything to you."

If any of this touched the near dead boy, he didn't show it.

"You may wonder why I am not rushing you to the hospital wing right now. Why, if I want you alive so badly, don't I attempt to save you? Because, stupid boy, there is nothing to be done to save you. I am intimately acquainted with this potion and I know when a person has crossed that threshold. And I'm afraid you crossed that bridge long before you reached this dungeon. And even if you hadn't, even if there was a marginal possibility to save your life, I wouldn't. Your light is gone. You would have been left a shell of what you once were. It would be unfair to you, and the world could not stand such a tragedy as that. Also, there would be the pain, for the potion would have to be drained immediately and all the pain would rush back to you. And if you must die, I want you to die as you wish— painless and numb."

Still no reaction. No cry or bit of thinks to this sentiment.

"But now I will tell you this. Numb and painless you shall die, as you wish. But one wish will not be granted you. You will not die alone. I will not allow it. So I will stay here beside you as your life leaks away from you. I will hold your hand and guide you through your death as I would have liked to through your life.

How do I know all this? How could I possible bow to this decision? Because I too have chosen this path. Yes, I am intending to die as well. However, your death has taken precedence over mine, and I shall wait for my turn. When you stole the ingredients I took advantage of the opportunity to sneak some myself without notice. Through your decision you enabled me to carry out mine without suspicion. And now, once again, you will aid me in my endeavor. I will end my life with the same blade you ended yours with. And together we will lay in death to be found with the morning light. A class will be held in here tomorrow, did you know that? So we will not be made to wait for our bodies to decompose. We will be found quickly and laid to our rest. Oh, they will talk I'm sure. A student and teacher's dead bodies being found together and having died the same death is a suspicious thing, especially the two that they will find here. But they will never know the truth, will they Harry? No, they will think the deaths linked where they are not. But no matter, it'll be our little secret.

So now I'll wait by your side for you to die, I will keep your watch. And at the end, when you are gone, I'll follow you into that good night. And there I'll explain all."

And with that, Harry James Potter breathed his last breath in the arms of Severus Snape.

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A/N- I finally decided to clean this 1-shot up a bit and make it nicer to read. Only took me like 7 years, lol.

Thanks for reading,

~Air


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